Have you ever felt so frustrated with your partner or friend because you feel like they’re not giving the same energy as you are in your relationship? Cue the spiralling anxiety and potential arguments. However, you can try the Let Them Theory to stop the mental cycle from happening.
What is the Let Them Theory?
The Let Them Theory was coined by author and podcast host Mel Robbins.
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them,” Mel says on Instagram. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”
This mindset change helps you keep yourself from trying to control people and setting them to your personal expectations in order to manage your own anxiety.
How? Mel brings up the example of your group of friends — made up of couples — going out to brunch without you. Yes, you may feel left out and your feelings are hurt at the moment. But with the Let Them Theory, the mindset hack encourages you to pause and acknowledge that their actions are revealing their true selves. Once you’ve let them do just that, then you can choose what to do next in a way that’s right (and fair!) for you.
Mel likens it to being in a boat and trying to go against the current of the water. Instead, drop the oars and go with the flow.
A lot of people have shared that this new way of thinking has significantly changed their relationships and, at times, even fostered a more comfortable and argument-free relationship.
That’s not to say that communication isn’t important. Once you’ve let the controlling behaviour, you’re now free to be more introspective and proactive with your relationships. The result, ideally, is finding inner peace and true control.
When you shouldn’t use the Let Them Theory
Mel also shares three instances when the Let Them Theory isn’t applicable. First is if someone is a danger to themselves or to you. Second is when you need to advocate for yourself, including at work when you have to negotiate your salary, tasks, and other benefits. Finally, don’t let people continuously cross your boundaries.
If you want to know more about this mindset hack, you can listen to Mel’s podcast below.
Is the Let Them Theory something you’d want to adopt in your life?
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